The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
