There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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