My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
