Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
