Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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