this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
