Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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