your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
