Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
