I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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