Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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