omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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