i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
