i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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