Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
