Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
