Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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