hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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