if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
