Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
