Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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