winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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