I wannas sexs uuuuu
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
