I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
