She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
