how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
