guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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