Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
