you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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