She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
