I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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