He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
