This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
