I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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