i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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