Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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