We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
