forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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