Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
