Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
