I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
