My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Girls should come with a carfax report
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I AM VODKA MAN
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
