ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
