"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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