It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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