Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Pooping to opera.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
