wrigley field is MILF paradise
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
God I need to hump something, right now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
