We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
