beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
