Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
